Dani and I watched the movie, Lars and the Real Girl last week. It was a random choice by her through her Blockbuster flicks deal or whatever. I'd never heard of it and was a little suspicious of it being that it was about a guy (Ryan Goesling) who's convinced his blowup doll is a real person that he is dating. It turned out to be extremely entertaining and not creepy at all. I got a lot of laughs out of the guy's sincere belief that Bianka, the doll, was a real person who spoke to him. He was legitimately in love and the reactions of family and friends were equally entertaining as they went from being weirded out, to playing along, to completely embracing Bianka in the same real way Lars did.
I only write of it now in order to share a quote from it with you. For the most part it was just a funny movie for me, but there was one scene when Lars is talking ot his older brother, Gus (whom he's had a strained relationship with) and Lars asks Gus when he knew he was a man...what event brought about manhood versus not being grown up. Gus's response really stood out to me as so true:
"Well, it's not like you're one thing or the other, okay? There's still a kid inside but you grow up when you decide to do right, okay, and not what's right for you, what's right for everybody, even when it hurts."
The fact that his response acknowledges that we never really let go of being a kid or even want to but that we reach a point of understanding responsibility and right versus wrong...and that we can put those we love before ourselves. Whoever wrote that line, in my opinion, nailed it.
I haven't completely nailed down how or why, but 2010 feels different.
Throughout most of 2009 I was feeling a little lost. I was no longer a "recent graduate" and I still didn't feel like an adult. I still felt very much like a college kid, but there was something about that feeling that didn't seem right.
Don't get me wrong...2009 was a great year. Look at my last post and you'll have to agree.
But 2010 is going to be different and I feel it.
I love life in Louisville and I love my friends but I know this is not the life I want forever. I also know life goes quickly and it doesn't wait around for you. It will sort of just happen if you don't make it happen. (There is a difference in those two. Hopefully you can understand it.)
There are certain goals/dreams I've always had for my life and they have become clearer to me in the past year; probably because of the reality that I am now capable of progressing towards them. However, I'll only actually get there IF I start working towards them and not just living day to day expecting them to suddenly happen.
Probably the hardest part of working towards any goal is accepting and working through the things that are out of your control, because there will always be some of these things. Those who know me know that I hate the idea of fear taking control of a situation. Unfortunately, I admit that part of my hesitance to move forward is the fear of letting go of things I want in the NOW but are really out of my control as to whether or not I have them.
We've all created plans before. Plans for a school or work project. Plans for a social event. Plans for a vacation. These plans are created on the premise of an order of actions/events on a time-line, but I think it's safe to say that we've all experienced things not going to plan and, more often than not, the plan's time-line gets jumbled and things occur out of order. In the end, things always pans out, as long as our focus stayed clear and with every fork in the road we simply made the best decision for the given situation. With this we get the right and best end result. Sometimes that end looks like that original goal the plan set out of us to achieve, but sometimes it's different. The things we learn along the way may change what the perfect end goal actually is.
In the beginning of the movie A Lot Like Love, Oliver (the Ashtin Kutcher character), a fairly recent college graduate, explains that he has a plan to get his "ducks in a row". His seven year time-line was that he would graduate, work, meet a girl in the process, become successful, get married and live happily ever after. Then he finds himself seven years down the road and lots has happened--both good and bad--but the plan has fallen to pieces. Still, the movie ends happily.
I've never had a set in stone, hard plan, but I've had a vision of how things would come to pass in my life. Needless to say, even this "loose" plan seems to not want to completely fall together as I envisioned. So the fear comes in accepting that certain pieces are not for me to decide and simply going with what God does have planned for me in the hear and now. Then, I must continue to work towards that dream by focusing on the areas I do have control over. Fear will continue to be there but I cannot let it dictate and hold me back from the things I am capable of doing. Honestly, the one plan I put the most faith and trust in is the one I don't have any control over. That's what faith is about, right?
So what does 2010 mean for Peat? It's time to step forward and accept the responsibility of my life and all I've ever dreamed for it to be and start making it happen and not letting the fear of the unknown or the fear of letting go of my "plan" slow me down.
Mom is right: from my early days of basketball, 10 always has been my number. I think this is my year.
Let's take a look at the post I left last January as I looked ahead to 2009 and planned to keep it interesting and see how I did...
(1) A new meal once a month: 
Okay, I admit that Dani wins the prize in this one. I'm not sure that either of us actually did it once a month--and I will blame June on Dani's Mom because she came to visit and why did we need to mess with food when she was feeding us home-cooked meals with tons of tasty leftovers? However, what cooking I did do was successful and Dani's most definitely was covering everything from eggplant Parmesan, french onion soup, steak sandwiches, Asian Chicken pasta, and on and on. Oh and let's give me a little credit for making Christmas cookies from scratch for the first time on my own!
(2) Service Projects: 
No, we weren't as frequent with these as I would have liked, but beyond the MLK Day project I also took part in Bellarmine's Young Alum service project and did "Project Warm" with KK where we insulated houses for the winter. I suppose the Casey County Trot for Tots counts a little being for Toys for Tots and all. And there is always the Salvation Army bell ringing with the family back in Liberty. PLUS, let's not leave out that I'm helping Emma Gailey with the rebirth of a Girls On The Run chapter in Louisville.
(3)Extracurriculars: 
There are still so many things on this list I'd like to get to while still living in Louisville and all. One thing that isn't so much a Louisville thing, but something I've always loved that many of my Louisville friends have seldom if ever done is a Drive-In movie. SO much fun. But let's look at what we did do: Ice skating, Pool Heaven, Bowling, Karaoke at Akikos, Hosted a Cook Out, my first Derby experience, I played on a kickball team and met lots of fun new people, the St. James Art Fair, Ratatat concert, NKY trip to Steve's, Arcade nights at Gameworks, football games, Lex trips, road trip to Auburn with Jaso, Cheesecakes with Mucci, another exciting Memorial Weekend, shirt-making for St. 
Patty's Day and Boss Appreciation Day, the mini Lake vacay with the fam, Churchill Day when Chad won big bucks... I should note the discovery of Gofobo and the many free movies we saw thanks to it (Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, The Proposal, Terminator Salvation, Where The Wild Things Are, Invictus, etc.) And very important to note the big events we put on: the first Drunk Funk Games, Gui's party where we had friends from all over come to town and the big Secret Santa gift exchange/practicing Christmas morning party. Oh, and can we include adding a puppy to the house hold to this list??
(4) Work World Progress: Well, I've gone from being jobless at this time last year to having a part-time position with Todd to do work for, GLI, the chamber of commerce, to having spent four hours on a Sunday, today, with him to discuss our latest project with Member Minded. Meanwhile, I've gotten to keep doing video work through the development of The College Buzz and I've even got Knob End Enterprises under my name as a registered business.
Other goals I failed to mention in last year's post included physical activity. I did get a gym membership with the Louisville Athletic Club in April. I have been lifting there since (but still ne
ed to become more regular about it) and for awhile I was hitting up their yoga classes. I also ran a 7 1/2 mile leg of the Derby marathon with Emma and some of her friends as well as I ran in the Trot for Tots like normal. I guess kickball can maybe go on this list also. I also wanted to start prepping and saving for the Brazil trip of 2010 that I promised Gui when I returned from Europe in 2007. Thanks to College Buzz money I've saved a decent amount and 
Micah is on board to go with me. Honestly, he's done more planning than me. I've got a lot of work to get to at this point on nailing down details but we're looking to leave around June 4 and I'll stay for close to ten days.
The only other thing Dani and I wrote in our book was titled "Boys". Ironic enough, there are no real details or goals listed here...and sadly enough, I can't say I'm any better off in that department than I ever was or ever have been. Ha.
Whoever says New Year's resolutions aren't worth anything doesn't know what they are talking about. Maybe we are eager and motivated through January and that excitement dies off and seems completely forgotten by summer and the following months, but I think if we map them out and begin putting some practice into our lives in those early months, the resolution can be forgotten, but only because we no longer think of these things as a "resolution" but just a part of our daily lives.
Time to get the book back out. Stay tuned.
