Saying Farewell to a Leader

"You will have the opportunity here to learn to work hard, to organize yourself, and to make a difference... if you take your academic work seriously and participate fully in the co-curricular activities of student life at Bellarmine, you will not only develop your potential and learn how to make the world a better place, you will also learn the basics for whatever career you will choose."  

-Dr. Joseph J. McGowan, Bellarmine University President

Dr. McGowan's quote truly summarizes why I will never be able to put a dollar value on my experience at Bellarmine University, and the fact it was the President of the University speaking on the topic of participation in student life reflects exactly why his unexpected passing was such saddening and shocking news for the Bellarmine community.

I don't think it is normal for students to feel such a connection to their university president, but in Bellarmine life, if you were engaged at all, McGowan was a part of your world and hearing the news of his death hit home. From hosting events at his home, attending performances at the theater and being involved in athletics, he loved being a part of the core of the BU world--the core being it's students. 

For me, Dr. McGowan is Bellarmine. Although the campus has changed drastically since my 2008 graduation, I have always felt so connected to the school by its mission and the vision I knew McGowan was working toward. I worked two years in the communications office when his "Vision 2020" was in its early stages and was widely talked about and I witnessed some of the initial physical changes in person--like the addition of the stadium that I had the pleasure of running on my senior year (after the duration of my BU career had been spent training on hills and the cinder track.) 

When Dr. McGowan assumed the leadership of then-Bellarmine College in 1990, the school was a largely commuter liberal-arts college with 15 mostly yellow-brick buildings and 2,500 students. Today Bellarmine is a distinguished, bustling university with 46 buildings and it attracts 4,000 students from all over the world to its stunning Italianate campus and its curriculum steeped in the Catholic tradition of academic excellence and ethical awareness.

I admit there is a slight sadness in seeing the university change from the place where my memories were forged--that cinder track and the smaller (and only) Koster's cafeteria; there was no fancy Siena hall, so freshman were left to the trenches of the old Kennedy-Newman dorm rooms. But I remind myself that even what I experienced was a different world from those who were there ten or 20 years prior. And despite the physical changes, added curriculum, and growth in the student body and faculty, I always felt, that at its core, Bellarmine had not changed in who it inspired individuals to be and to become. And I believe great things begin at the top with the right leadership. McGowan's passion poured down from the top, seeping into the faculty, staff, students, alumni and even those who were only partially involved in Bellarmine life. 

My fondest memories of McGowan came working with my newspaper staff, and they were the first people I thought of upon hearing the news of his passing. He was always more than willing to give us what we needed for our stories and, best of all, he never cared to be the laughing stock of our satirical edition, The Discord. I was involved in a lot at BU-- track, clubs, class activities, honors society, sporting events--but nothing felt as "Bellarmine-Centric" as newspaper. I suppose that's because it was drilled into our minds that by publishing the weekly paper, we were responsible for writing the history of our school. We liked to joke about it--particularly when the pressure of the final hours of deadline made us a little slap-happy, but putting together that publication kept us at the heart of what Bellarmine University was from every angle: in the classroom and out; the good and the bad. We did our best to encapsulate her spirit so it could be passed on from one generation of students to the next. 

Since graduating, and then leaving Louisville three years later, I have never felt like BU left me behind. I've always felt connected to her; like I could laugh at her stories and the new memories. I feel an instant bond upon meeting someone who is a fellow alum or current student. If I happen to meet someone aspiring to attend college and considering becoming a Knight, I have to limit myself on how passionate and lengthy my encouragement becomes as to not scare them off completely.  But President McGowan's passing suddenly leaves me a little empty and scared. I never realized how much my BU world relied on his presence. He finely nurtured the spirit "high up on a hill" and whether you agreed with every decision made, you admired him. 

I know I was joined by many in mourning his loss, so this was my tiny corner of the world where I could say, "Thanks." I know my memories and life today were impacted through his life and, like the rest of those he reached through Bellarmine, I am forever grateful. I hope the future of BU forever holds on to the torch he lit and his love of life and knowledge stays at the heart of campus. God bless his family and those close to him personally during this time. Thank you for sharing him with us.

Saying Goodbye to 2 Under 2

Even before I took the test, I was scared. In fact, I didn’t want to take a pregnancy test the first week, because I knew it would be positive and I wasn’t ready to accept that yet. Dorothy was just turning 8 months old and I was pregnant again? She’d be 15, going on 16 months and I would be starting over? Would I survive??

As Jacob just turned 8 months, and is speed-crawling, climbing and wanting mom constantly, it’s not hard to see why, in my inexperience, I was terrified of taking on two. But here I am, on the brink of Dorothy’s 2nd birthday (Oct. 16) wondering where time is going. 2-under-2 is coming to a close. 

I knew in the end I wouldn’t be able to imagine it any other way, but it’s not just that I cannot imagine life without Jacob; I cannot imagine having kids further apart in age. I’m probably crazy and I’m not saying it’s easy by any means. I’m lucky to have 20 minutes on a given day where they are both in bed at the same time, but seeing the relationship form between these two already--so strong when Dorothy isn’t even 2--is a gift beyond measure. And as “crazy” as life is, is it actually crazy? Or are these the simplest days of my life aside from my own childhood in Clan Valley? 

Today was a perfect example of the “crazy simplicity” that is my life right now. It was just the three of us all day at Broch Tuarach. Jake woke early, but I lured him back to sleep for some extra slumber myself; however, an hour later, the cries Po-Dot woke not just me, but little brother as well. I’m not a morning person, but we muddle through. Jacob is perky. Dot is grumpy until she gets food. I am grateful husband has the coffee hot and ready for me.

Jacob takes a mid-morning snooze while Dorothy “helps” me fold laundry. When jabber comes over the monitor Lou says, “Jake’s awake!” and heads for the stairs yelling, “We’re coming Ja-ake!” Playtime upstairs while I try to do a few things and then we head back downstairs. 

After the morning nap things are always up in the air. Today’s memorable adventure was using suspenders, blue painters tape, construction paper and cardboard boxes to make a wearable dump truck. We ate a bit of lunch before Dorothy found her “silky” and paci and announced, “Want to take a rest." She acted tired, so I took her upstairs. I was hopeful but no luck. I heard lots of thumping and talking for the next hour. Finally, I checked in to find a smelly room because she’d (in her potty) gone poop. I wouldn’t want to sleep in that stink either! (She’d also pulled down her curtains for the 2nd day in a row.) I cleaned up, opened the window for fresh air and left her to “rest” again. At this point, Jacob was tired. Lucky for me, he went down easy. For about 10 minutes I thought I was clear and both were asleep… But Po’s jabber began again…eventually becoming loud. Not long and Jake was crying. I’d lost the nap battle.

So up again and we headed to the front porch to enjoy the perfect fall weather: swing time for Po and in the walker with Jake. Then we loaded up the Radio Flyer wagon for Jake’s first ride. We didn’t go far… To the Greystone coral barn and back with a few pit stops to play with HokaHey. However, by the time we were back to Lallybroch’s front porch, it was 4pm and the missed naps were rearing their ugly heads. 

I hadn’t let Jacob eat the rocks in the driveway and that’s really what set it off for him. Dorothy just wanted “a snack, a snack” even though she’d been eating the entire walk. She chilled out watching "Daniel Tiger", so I tried to begin supper, accomplishing bits at a time between Jacob outbursts. I had to hold him to get him to eat his supper—even then he decorated my hoodie with beet puree and cried to the point of nearly choking himself. 

With a snotty nose, a dirty dinner face and the outside play, I opted for a bath for Jacob (knowing Dorothy would insist on getting in as well). I thought this might bring some relief. They usually have a blast. But today Dorothy wanted all of the toys. I insisted she share. She cried. After about 90 seconds of crying, Jacob joined in. He didn’t stop. It was a short bath and I won’t attest to them being much cleaner afterward. 

I accepted the fact I had to either hold Jacob or be within his reach the rest of the night and that Dorothy would be fine if I was joining her play. I’d gotten dinner 60% of the way done and that felt like an accomplishment. I waited and  took Jacob to bed promptly when Jon got home, thinking this would keep Lou from screaming while putting him to sleep. It did not. I heard Jon bring her to her room for bed just before I laid sleeping Jake in his crib. She was exhausted. We read her stories. “Time to say prayer,” she said afterwards. We did. Said good night. Both kids out by 7:30.

Sure, sometimes I don’t get any time for myself (don’t ask how I manage to get CD done!) and sometimes two kids seem to constantly need Mama. But I can’t help but my find myself in awe of the fact these kids allow me to live so simply again. I get to pull a wagon around and purposefully seek out the sights, sounds and smells of nature. I get to rediscover the joys of a somersaults and sliding and ponder the mysteries of the moon and stars. Soon enough it will be school, practices and events keeping me from getting supper fixed and an entire day in the Valley will be rare.  

I know there is much to look forward to in their growing up, but I already get sad thinking about today's simple joys that I will one day all too soon miss. They are a treasure beyond words and the fact I am already experiencing it with not just one, but two kids is incredible; two little souls I am seeing form a lifelong bond before my very eyes. That love I witness in them is so pure and the true essence of God’s existence.

Oh and about that house building project...

So yes, there had been talk of breaking ground in the spring of 2013... Now it's June. So obviously that didn't happen.

The unexpected baby news is partially to blame but not entirely. It's obviously distracted us and thrown other factors into our schedule this year as well as our financials and the things we will be dealing with; at the same time we have pressed forward with the house pursuit... just not as rapidly as maybe we could be.

The very center, in that far back corner of the field...That's where it'll be!

To catch you up to speed on all of the things we've done so far... And some of this may be too detailed for you to care but I'm recording it for my own purposes for future reference.


1. We've met with two different contractors and gotten two quotes.
These two options are very different. One contractor is less experienced. He's newer (younger) and has primarily done building projects rather than full start-to-finish houses. The other contractor has years of experience and is the county's commercial building inspector. He built two of the houses already on the family property and also did my parent's garage. Naturally, the more experienced contractor's quote is higher. 

2. We wish the quote was less.
But who doesn't? Part of the problem I am having is knowing no quote will be right because:  

(a) We do not plan to take it to turn-key complete. We're OK with having unpainted walls in some rooms, perhaps floors that we finish out... trim work to be done, landscaping that needs recovered, etc.

(b) We plan to go "cheap" on a lot of things--not the things that matter, obviously. The parts that matter in structure and future problems, I am totally OK with putting up good money. Top of the line furnishings? Not so much. We'll take less aesthetically pleasing light fixtures, light switches... even trim and doors and appliances. We'll scrounge where we can. We've already acquired a dishwasher someone was getting rid of simply because they were going with a new look for their kitchen. We also got a stainless steel kitchen sink at the Habitat Restore for only $12.50. I don't think this is planned for in the contractor's quote.

3. We've surveyed the land.
The family was having a lot of land surveyed anyway so Mingus and I added our names to the list. We pre-marked lines with my parents to section off just the plot we'll need for building. With my other siblings potentially moving down (and other's potentially not) they didn't want to go about deeding off full portions to each of us. We're quote all right with that. So we have about 4 acres surveyed; however, we do not officially have it deeded over to us yet.

4. We met with the bank and learned we're doing things "right" so far.
I know nothing about what it takes to buy or build a home. So I was a little nervous to meet with a loan officer and end up feeling like a fool... To tell them our thoughts and be laughed out of the office. Luckily that wasn't the case. As it turns out, he was quite impressed with the amount of money we have saved exclusively in a fund for the house. The fact we have land made us extra prepared. He said people come in with no little to no money they plan to use themselves and no land or just a lot in the city and want the bank to give them money to start building. Between our family land and our savings, there is no reason we cannot get a loan.

5. We learned about construction loan to mortgages.
We also learned about the process for using the loan money and turning it over to a mortgage. Basically we'll have a year as a construction loan and then it will turn over. From there we could use any bank or institution to get the mortgage. We met with a local bank and this officer admitted that a larger bank will likely offer a better interest rate. At first her recommended we go this route when the time comes; however, in our situation, sticking with a local bank will be an advantage. A large chain or corporate bank will have set protocal for the condition of the house in order to issue the mortgage. With our intent to have the house partially "unfinished" a local bank will be much more willing to work with us. They know who we are and who are family is. They know we are on family land and will basically do anything to take care of any payment problems before actually having to sell.

6. We have a loan application.
We have yet to fill it out. I know we could fill it out and perhaps get an idea of what kind of money we could potentially get without actually filing for the loan (since we are still waiting on the land deed) but we haven't even tried to take that step. Part of my hesitation has been knowing that with the coming on of children my work situation will change, as will my income level. Do I file as our current income level and try to get more or file what we think it will be to have a more realistic view?

7. Learning about electric.
Mingus talked with the electric company to learn about running the power from my parent's on to our field. It's close enough that we could run it at no charge since overground for first 1,000 ft (I think) is free. However, we'll be going through the tree line and they would require cutting out a 60 ft wide path (30 ft on either side). That's a lot of trees and will completely change the look of their backyard--and ours. We can go underground and spare some of the damage, but it does have a cost. Luckily, it's nothing absurd and for as close as we will be running the line, we can afford it. We all think it's worth that cost

8. Learning about septic.
We also found out that prior to actually breaking (running electric) ground we have to have the septic system approved. Apparently too many people don't have a good septic plan or if they are within a city or neighborhood, the only options for running it do not meet health regulations. This causes all sorts of problems down the road. So you have to have the soil tested and everything OK'd by the health inspectors and THEN you can get electric and THEN you can break ground.

That's where things sit. I'm nervous to take the plunge and having so much money out in our name with so many unknowns in the future... At the same time, I don't know that an "easier"/more affordable time is in the near future (or anywhere in the future). Interest rates aren't likely to go down and are so low now they really will only go up... I also don't really want to sacrifice too much of our plan/design at this point. It's a semi-large space (2400 sq feet--that's two floors with no additional basement) but the design is very simply and we're not going for extravagant interior. In my heart I believe the quotes are far above the reality but it's still scary.

So I just pray for the peace and guidance to know what the best move is for us as our family grows and we go through other changes... That we do not push forward when it's best to wait... or that we do not sit on it forever and ever, waiting for some sort of "change" that makes it easier that will never come. 

God always takes care of us, though, and we'll keep following our feet.

The Big Building Project Begins...sort of...

I've had the intention for awhile to begin using this blog as a means for tracking our "House Project". (It definitely needs a better name than that.) I apologize for those of you completely disinterested in such a topic and I can presume that some of the nitty-gritty details I'll end up recording won't be too exciting for anyone not going through the house building process. (Keep in mind, also, we are starting at ground zero, literally.)

I've always wished I'd started my wedding planning tracking on my blog earlier than I did but was so grateful that I did track the last two months or so. Jon and I have so many questions right now and are going to anyone and everyone for advice. Luckily for us, we are not the first to build from scratch in the Valley; however, there is a lot that people either don't remember exactly or I have not figured out to ask. Hopefully, with our building process tracked here, I'll be able to give better advice and help to anyone who needs it in the future.

By all means, of course, anyone who reads any of this and red flags start going up in an idea we have or the direction we're going, please tell me! The simplest way I know to phrase it is...We are noobs at this.

We are more or less at the beginning of this process. I made us a book back at Christmas time to begin tracking all of our house planning. The thought was primarily to have one place to do floor plan sketches, but I also left space for money (savings) info and other notes. 

Working in the online marketing sect, it's only necessary that I have a Pinterest account, but I've found primary use in it for house ideas. Of course, most of the fairy-tale, fancy pants houses I pin will never end up being a part of my humble home, but it's fun to dream, right?

We've sketched out several layouts in our book, but there are a few key features we definitely want that kind of dictate a lot of the layout so we keep coming back to similar looks.  We've recently really drilled it down and are only trying out adjusting a few pieces. They primary pieces are: 

• Two stories and first floor partially underground.
• Wood burning stove heating (in addition to central air)
• Post and beam style frame
• Metal roof
• A back mud room that extends the width of the house. A door on either side, or if we need to cut one out, a door on the garage side. 
• Entry into the kitchen from the mud room.
• A bathroom just off the mudroom (for dirty Mingus) 
• The stove near the mudroom so wood can be brought in easily.
• Good windows near the kitchen.
• A deep front porch and balcony (both eventual if not immediate)
• Bedrooms upstairs
• An additional room in the downstairs so we can live only downstairs when we're old and frail and stairs are too tough to handle.

Now, I saw we've "drilled down" and are only adjusting "a few pieces"...but, in reality, it could all change still...

We're really staying on track for the goals we've set for our savings this year so we're trying to get a better handle on what our actual cost is going to be and determine what our realistic time frame is for breaking ground. 

Two things I know we have to do before getting started:

(1) Finalize the plans with legit specs. (I got Jon a book for this birthday that's helping a lot.) This way a contractor or the bank can give us a price.

(2) Survey the land and have it deeded over to our name so we can take out a construction loan.

I am really scared to get started but so anxious at the same time. Jon and I are praying for guidance on this project and to find the balance between the fear and the excitement so we only go at the pace planned and know when to be patient.

Things that make me smile....

It's been a busy May, just like it was a busy April. The good news is it's been good either way. Sorry for the lack of posts. I wish I had time to write and post pictures more frequently, but maybe later in the summer once these two weddings are past that I am in the first two weekends in June.

In the mean time... a few things that make me happy:

Jackamo getting his summer cut--done by none other than me & my Mingus!

Flowers picked for me by my Mingus! :)

Purple: The Color of JOY

Thanks to a friend's recent post I found a new blog: Lil Blue Boo. Along with having a very inspirational story and great blog, she also sells extremely cute children's clothing and patterns to make your own. 

With many struggles in her life, including cancer and chemo, this individual has made a decision to "Choose Joy" in her daily life rather than dwell on the negatives. It seems like such a simple and logical decision but one so many of us pass up from one day to the next if that particular day isn't spectacular, let alone if something unfortunate happens.

She's selling "Choose Joy" bracelets in her store in packs of 20 at a non-profit cost. Not only do I love the message and do I feel that it fits the example I try to set out of my life, but they are purple.... Enough said? 

Photo from Lil Blue Boo

Please be in touch if you'd like one of my 20. As much as I love purple, I only intend to wear one, meaning I'll have some extras. Comment or hit me up by other means and I'll share the wealth!

Rite of Passage - Shaving my Head from Ashley Hackshaw on Vimeo.

My Bags Are Packed, I'm Ready To Go...

Okay, that's not completely true. My bags are partially packed. I'm rather proud of myself, actually for how well I'm doing with the "packing light" deal for a 10 day trip.

Anyway, YES, tomorrow I step on a plane with Micah and Melody, fly to Houston and then ship off on a long, long flight down South to fulfill a promise I made years and years ago to my very, very dear friend, Mr. Gui Buso, and will visit his home in Brazil.

It feels like a lifetime ago, yet also like just yesterday that Gui set foot into Casey County highschool my junior year. He was the automatic "hottie" the day he agreed to step out on the football field to try his hand at being their kicker... Brazil=soccer=kicking=duh ...of course he was a great kicker! That was something new for Casey County! I cannot really tell you how I came to know Gui (except that our school is quite small so of course "everyone know everyone".) I'd say it helped quite a bit that many of my closest friends were on the football team, which I traveled with keeping stats. Then, being involved with the girls' basketball team kept me in close with the boys' team, of which he was also a part of. Then when spring rolled around, being the all-around-athlete that Gui is, he decided to join my track team as well. (Yes, I consider it MY track team.)

I remember upon Gui's arrival, hoping that when he left eventually that I would have at least become a close friend--someone he'd remember when he left the Bluegrass. No doubt that happened. After his departure, the two of us did a great job of staying in touch via email. (Ah, the days before Facebook when email was so much more important!) Although he went back to his big city of Sao Paulo where "cold" meant 60-degree weather; he had come to love the people of the tiny community of Casey County despite our cold winters.

Since leaving Gui has been back to visit Kentucky about four times. He also spent about six months in Florida about five years ago working at Disney World. Myself and four friends made a Christmas Break road trip to Orlando to visit him which resulted in possibly the best vacation to date. He was most recently here last September when I finally got to meet his girlfriend, Carla.

Carla and Gui have been amazing in this planning process. With two great hosts, no doubt a trip with my long, long time goofy friend Micah will nothing but fabulously full of adventure!

Reaching the Halfway Point

It's not quite halfway through 2010 but while it's on my mind I thought it was a good opportunity to do a quick review of where the year stands in comparison with how I felt going into 2010. Besides, it's time I kick my butt back into gear since I've dropped the ball on blogging for the past two and half months and I definitely have full intentions to once again use this as my point of communication to family and friends while I am adventuring out of the country: Brazil!

I told you that 2010 felt different. I wrote that five days into the year. Hard to believe that I was so right. I feel like my life is something completely different today than it was six months ago. I mean, basically just go back to 2009 and it was something different. I never would have told you that so suddenly I would be living in an apartment very much outside of the Highlands area with my best friend and cousin, Holly Jo, who was living and working in Lexington. And I most definitely never would have told you I'd be in a serious relationship with a guy I've known for five years and had never once before even considered being someone I might date.

Six months ago my life centered on working, hanging out with my roomies and walking across the street to visit the Man Clan and getting random texts from Steve, Jaso and Ben usually planning the weekend events. Now my life centers on my work, my family and my boyfriend. Not only has my cousin moved back to Louisville and living with me, but Nic has completed vet school so he and Michelle are moving back as soon as her school year in Auburn is completed. (Nic actually spent the last two months here doing his preceptorship.) My cousin Alyx has just returned from Japan and is in the process of moving to Louisville and word is that my cousin Ian is also returning to Louisville from North Carolina. I don't need to do any rambling about how much my family and my cousins mean to me.

Life is about to change again, however, as Jon, the boyfriend, is taking a job in his hometown of Evansville, Indiana so he'll no longer be living seven minutes away and cooking dinner with me every night. But that's all part of life correct? Change and adventure and moving forward to see where exactly your path intends to lead you.

And at exactly the midway mark of the year I will embark on a great adventure that I've had on my calendar since 2007: Brazil! Micah and I (along with his girlfriend Melody) will head to South American on June 4 to visit Gui just as I promised him I would after returning from Europe in 2007. It will be a 10 day adventure and it's come so quickly that I've not even had time to really wrap my head around the fact I'm truly going. No doubt it will be incredible and I look forward to sharing the adventures with you all.

A Take Away from Lars and The Real Girl

Dani and I watched the movie, Lars and the Real Girl last week. It was a random choice by her through her Blockbuster flicks deal or whatever. I'd never heard of it and was a little suspicious of it being that it was about a guy (Ryan Goesling) who's convinced his blowup doll is a real person that he is dating. It turned out to be extremely entertaining and not creepy at all. I got a lot of laughs out of the guy's sincere belief that Bianka, the doll, was a real person who spoke to him. He was legitimately in love and the reactions of family and friends were equally entertaining as they went from being weirded out, to playing along, to completely embracing Bianka in the same real way Lars did.

I only write of it now in order to share a quote from it with you. For the most part it was just a funny movie for me, but there was one scene when Lars is talking ot his older brother, Gus (whom he's had a strained relationship with) and Lars asks Gus when he knew he was a man...what event brought about manhood versus not being grown up. Gus's response really stood out to me as so true:

"Well, it's not like you're one thing or the other, okay? There's still a kid inside but you grow up when you decide to do right, okay, and not what's right for you, what's right for everybody, even when it hurts."

The fact that his response acknowledges that we never really let go of being a kid or even want to but that we reach a point of understanding responsibility and right versus wrong...and that we can put those we love before ourselves. Whoever wrote that line, in my opinion, nailed it.

10 Always Has Been MY Number

I haven't completely nailed down how or why, but 2010 feels different.

Throughout most of 2009 I was feeling a little lost. I was no longer a "recent graduate" and I still didn't feel like an adult. I still felt very much like a college kid, but there was something about that feeling that didn't seem right.

Don't get me wrong...2009 was a great year. Look at my last post and you'll have to agree.

But 2010 is going to be different and I feel it.

I love life in Louisville and I love my friends but I know this is not the life I want forever. I also know life goes quickly and it doesn't wait around for you. It will sort of just happen if you don't make it happen. (There is a difference in those two. Hopefully you can understand it.)

There are certain goals/dreams I've always had for my life and they have become clearer to me in the past year; probably because of the reality that I am now capable of progressing towards them. However, I'll only actually get there IF I start working towards them and not just living day to day expecting them to suddenly happen.

Probably the hardest part of working towards any goal is accepting and working through the things that are out of your control, because there will always be some of these things. Those who know me know that I hate the idea of fear taking control of a situation. Unfortunately, I admit that part of my hesitance to move forward is the fear of letting go of things I want in the NOW but are really out of my control as to whether or not I have them.

We've all created plans before. Plans for a school or work project. Plans for a social event. Plans for a vacation. These plans are created on the premise of an order of actions/events on a time-line, but I think it's safe to say that we've all experienced things not going to plan and, more often than not, the plan's time-line gets jumbled and things occur out of order. In the end, things always pans out, as long as our focus stayed clear and with every fork in the road we simply made the best decision for the given situation. With this we get the right and best end result. Sometimes that end looks like that original goal the plan set out of us to achieve, but sometimes it's different. The things we learn along the way may change what the perfect end goal actually is.

In the beginning of the movie A Lot Like Love, Oliver (the Ashtin Kutcher character), a fairly recent college graduate, explains that he has a plan to get his "ducks in a row". His seven year time-line was that he would graduate, work, meet a girl in the process, become successful, get married and live happily ever after. Then he finds himself seven years down the road and lots has happened--both good and bad--but the plan has fallen to pieces. Still, the movie ends happily.

I've never had a set in stone, hard plan, but I've had a vision of how things would come to pass in my life. Needless to say, even this "loose" plan seems to not want to completely fall together as I envisioned. So the fear comes in accepting that certain pieces are not for me to decide and simply going with what God does have planned for me in the hear and now. Then, I must continue to work towards that dream by focusing on the areas I do have control over. Fear will continue to be there but I cannot let it dictate and hold me back from the things I am capable of doing. Honestly, the one plan I put the most faith and trust in is the one I don't have any control over. That's what faith is about, right?

So what does 2010 mean for Peat? It's time to step forward and accept the responsibility of my life and all I've ever dreamed for it to be and start making it happen and not letting the fear of the unknown or the fear of letting go of my "plan" slow me down.

Mom is right: from my early days of basketball, 10 always has been my number. I think this is my year.

Recap: 2009 Goals and Resolutions

Let's take a look at the post I left last January as I looked ahead to 2009 and planned to keep it interesting and see how I did...

(1) A new meal once a month: Okay, I admit that Dani wins the prize in this one. I'm not sure that either of us actually did it once a month--and I will blame June on Dani's Mom because she came to visit and why did we need to mess with food when she was feeding us home-cooked meals with tons of tasty leftovers? However, what cooking I did do was successful and Dani's most definitely was covering everything from eggplant Parmesan, french onion soup, steak sandwiches, Asian Chicken pasta, and on and on. Oh and let's give me a little credit for making Christmas cookies from scratch for the first time on my own!

(2) Service Projects: No, we weren't as frequent with these as I would have liked, but beyond the MLK Day project I also took part in Bellarmine's Young Alum service project and did "Project Warm" with KK where we insulated houses for the winter. I suppose the Casey County Trot for Tots counts a little being for Toys for Tots and all. And there is always the Salvation Army bell ringing with the family back in Liberty. PLUS, let's not leave out that I'm helping Emma Gailey with the rebirth of a Girls On The Run chapter in Louisville.

(3)Extracurriculars: There are still so many things on this list I'd like to get to while still living in Louisville and all. One thing that isn't so much a Louisville thing, but something I've always loved that many of my Louisville friends have seldom if ever done is a Drive-In movie. SO much fun. But let's look at what we did do: Ice skating, Pool Heaven, Bowling, Karaoke at Akikos, Hosted a Cook Out, my first Derby experience, I played on a kickball team and met lots of fun new people, the St. James Art Fair, Ratatat concert, NKY trip to Steve's, Arcade nights at Gameworks, football games, Lex trips, road trip to Auburn with Jaso, Cheesecakes with Mucci, another exciting Memorial Weekend, shirt-making for St. Patty's Day and Boss Appreciation Day, the mini Lake vacay with the fam, Churchill Day when Chad won big bucks... I should note the discovery of Gofobo and the many free movies we saw thanks to it (Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, The Proposal, Terminator Salvation, Where The Wild Things Are, Invictus, etc.) And very important to note the big events we put on: the first Drunk Funk Games, Gui's party where we had friends from all over come to town and the big Secret Santa gift exchange/practicing Christmas morning party. Oh, and can we include adding a puppy to the house hold to this list??


(4) Work World Progress: Well, I've gone from being jobless at this time last year to having a part-time position with Todd to do work for, GLI, the chamber of commerce, to having spent four hours on a Sunday, today, with him to discuss our latest project with Member Minded. Meanwhile, I've gotten to keep doing video work through the development of The College Buzz and I've even got Knob End Enterprises under my name as a registered business.

Other goals I failed to mention in last year's post included physical activity. I did get a gym membership with the Louisville Athletic Club in April. I have been lifting there since (but still need to become more regular about it) and for awhile I was hitting up their yoga classes. I also ran a 7 1/2 mile leg of the Derby marathon with Emma and some of her friends as well as I ran in the Trot for Tots like normal. I guess kickball can maybe go on this list also. I also wanted to start prepping and saving for the Brazil trip of 2010 that I promised Gui when I returned from Europe in 2007. Thanks to College Buzz money I've saved a decent amount and Micah is on board to go with me. Honestly, he's done more planning than me. I've got a lot of work to get to at this point on nailing down details but we're looking to leave around June 4 and I'll stay for close to ten days.

The only other thing Dani and I wrote in our book was titled "Boys". Ironic enough, there are no real details or goals listed here...and sadly enough, I can't say I'm any better off in that department than I ever was or ever have been. Ha.

Whoever says New Year's resolutions aren't worth anything doesn't know what they are talking about. Maybe we are eager and motivated through January and that excitement dies off and seems completely forgotten by summer and the following months, but I think if we map them out and begin putting some practice into our lives in those early months, the resolution can be forgotten, but only because we no longer think of these things as a "resolution" but just a part of our daily lives.

Time to get the book back out. Stay tuned.

Revisiting Desiderata

I'm pretty sure a lot of (if not most) people who happen upon this page have read this before, but I'm posting it anyway. There's still the chance that someone I know who has not read it will find it and I am happy to give them the chance to. Even if you have read it, poetry and philosophy can always be revisited for a new or deeper meaning. I've highlighted the lines that were of particular interest to me.


DESIDERATA
Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

-Max Ehrmann

Quotes: Everything Is Possible

"Everyone, when they are young, knows what their destiny is. At that point in their lives, everything is clear and everything is possible. They are not afraid to dream, and to yearn for everything they would like to see happen to them in their lives." [Paulo Coehlo, The Alchemist]